Summer Living

I'm as tan, blonde, and thin as I've ever been. Not trying to gloat, but...

For me losing weight, though not easy, isn't the hard part. Maintaining it is. I promised myself once I got back to 175, I'd keep myself in the 170's. Right now I'm 184.

What does that mean?

It means I need to get back to the 80/20 principle. Do good 80% of the time, and the other 20% will work itself out. I found that for the first couple weeks I could do well Monday through Friday and then have a little slack Saturday and Sunday. (Or use Sunday as my "reboot" day - with Friday and Saturday as my slack days.)

For the last several weeks, I found that I can barely eke out one good day, let alone five. It's not that I can't, I just choose not to. And by choose, I mean I grab a bag of chips versus nuts/cheese/veggies. Pizza instead of a salad with a little pepperoni and mozzarella cheese. Crispy tacos instead of a taco salad (no shell). Two bowls of cereal instead of two eggs.

I'm owning these choices.

But it has. to. stop.

Now.

As of today, I've had three good days. With the stress of the dentist/oral surgeon Monday, freakishly following my oldest on Tuesday, and now today - I've strung together three good days.

Three.

I promised myself once the kids are back in school I'd kick the workout routine in gear. I found that once I dropped the weight, 6 - 8 miles wasn't a problem. I'd like to get back there again.

For now, I'm following my friend Tree's lead... And taking it one more. Let's call it the 3 x 100 Challenge - three exercises, adding one more each day, until I reach 100. Today: one push up, one sit up, and one burpee. Tomorrow - two of each. And so on. See you on Oct 21st...
Now. To find a race to train for...

Lest we forget - Before:
Let's not go back there again.

Maintenance

I'm at a point right now I never thought I'd be.

I hit my goal weight a couple weeks ago.

In my wildest dream I never thought I'd get to my goal weight. When I started this journey, I would have been happy to drop 20 pounds or so (get below 200). As it went, the weight came off fast and furious and in about 5 months I lost 45 pounds.

Forty five. Never did I think I'd hit 175 again.

That's what I weighed when I graduated from high school.

Right now my goal is to maintain that within four pounds. That keeps me in the 170's. This morning I woke up and wasn't a bit startled when the scale said 179. Rather than sigh and get dismayed, I knew I'd just have to watch it for a few days while the scale inches back down. It's a balance.

The past couple weeks have been an experiment in 'good' eating days and 'bad' eating days. Like I tell my kids - there are no 'bad' foods - just 'always' foods and 'sometimes' foods. You can always have celery sticks, carrots, apple, etc. You can sometimes have candy.

Not that I've been eating candy or anything. ;)

...

The big 4 - 0 and 1,000

Hard to believe this is my 1,000 post.

When I started, I had a five year old that had just started Kindergarten, a three year old going to preschool two mornings a week and a just weaned 14 month old.

My how things have changed. Not just this blog in it's original incarnation: Throwing Bananas at Toddlers, Confessions of an Imperfect Parent, but me.

I now have a 4th grade 10 year old, 2nd grade 7 year old, and a 5 year old Kindergartner. We've moved twice. I've fixed countless meals, loads of laundry, scraped knees, and hurt feelings - not to mention all those moving boxes.
Along the way I've grown up a little as well. In finding my own voice, I'm better able to stand up for what I believe without worrying so much what other's think. I'm doing the best I can with the information I have at the time. I am and always will be my children's best advocate. I've finally found a good place within myself, and with that, have been able to shed the pounds that have been plaguing me for years.

...

Yesterday I stepped on the scale to find that I've now lost 40 pounds.

Forty.

220 to 179.

Ok... that's really 41.

...

My latest favorite for dinner is spaghetti squash. While I'm cooking spaghetti sauce and whole wheat pasta for everyone else, I'm microwaving spaghetti squash for me. Yum!

...

Two steps forward, 1.8 steps back

Yesterday left me in a position I haven't been in for a long time: craving macaroni and cheese, mashed potatoes and gravy, and every other comfort food you could think of.

Wednesday night, my husband and I went to the second session of the Big 12 tournament's first round. We skipped dinner and had a few drinks. I had more than a few drinks and ate 'bar food'. Not totally unheard of for me, but unusual given the strict attention to detail of the last three and a half months.

It was also the first time I took my new weight out for a 'test drive'. Yesterday, it was very apparent that my 220 pound body metabolized alcohol differently than my 183 pound one.

After a fretful night's sleep, I got the kids off to school and promptly found a comfy place on the couch. I spent the day eating whatever sounded good.

What didn't sound good? Lean meat or veggies.

What did? Oatmeal with brown sugar. Water. Ritz crackers with peanut butter. Water. A Little Debbie oatmeal cream pie. Water. For lunch, my husband took me out for enchiladas, rice, and refried beans. And water.

By the time the kids came home from school, I could stand up for more than 15 minutes without feeling dizzy. Yay me. Dinner consisted of take-home-tacos and homemade macaroni and cheese.

I repeat: homemade macaroni and cheese. First you make a roux...

I was in bed by 7 pm.

This morning I woke up, knowing I'd have to repent for the last two days. I fired up the Wii and put in Wii Fit. Stepped on the scale.

+1.8 pounds.

Not what I wanted to see, but about what I figured.

The key here is I didn't throw up my hands and wonder, "how did that happen?!?" I didn't curse a bit and go make waffles with whipped cream. I didn't give up.

I know how it happened, and I'm taking responsibility.

That means I made my usual breakfast: two egg omelet. Today's was mushroom and onion. Lunch is a salad with plenty of veggies and bit of ham or turkey. Dinner will be spaghetti squash with spaghetti sauce. I'll be done eating by eight. Tomorrow... lather, rinse, repeat.

This little experience has taught me two things:

1. I am capable of forgiving myself. Things happen. It's not always what happens, but how you react to it.
2. I can not drink like I used to. I'm ok with that.

...

Before and During

Last August, my parents threw a luau to celebrate my mom's birthday. I couldn't find anything to wear (hint... nothing fit!) so I made myself a dress. You'd think that taking my measurements and seeing myself in pictures, it would have made a dent. It didn't. The stress of selling our house, moving, resettling the kids, etc - I covered it up with food. Covered. It. Up. During Thanksgiving break, we had family pictures taken - the first with my parents, my sibling and her family, and my family. I was dismayed when I saw the pictures. It took all my willpower not to cry while we were ordering pictures. Right then I made myself a promise. Come Monday, things were going to change.

And change they did. I jumped fully on the South Beach bandwagon. By cutting out processed foods, wheat/grains, alcohol, and as much sugar as I could, the results came rapidly. There was a minor setback with the two weeks between Christmas and New Years, but come January 2nd, I was back on the plan.

Now I don't see what I'm doing so much as South Beach, but reasonable eating. At this time I am keeping as much processed food, wheat/grains, and sugar out my diet as I can. I occasionally have a drink - every other week or so. I eat lean meat, plenty of veggies, a little cheese and occasionally fruit. My lone hold out is Diet Coke. I am not ready to let it go just yet. The best part about this is I am rarely hungry and seeing real results.

So far, I've lost 35 pounds.


I am not yet where I want to be. I'd like to see another 10 - 15 pounds off the scale. It will come in time. Right now I'm rejoicing in the success I have had. And that makes me smile.


...

Just because you can - Doesn't mean you should.

Learned a lesson the hard way over the weekend. The kids and I headed North to my parents. Because we were staying though Monday, my husband opted to enjoy some 'quiet time' at home.

Like many parts of the country, the Midwest has been hit with a bit of snow. The kids were looking forward to packing up their snow gear, sleds and snowboards. We spent the better part of a day stomping through snow and breaking rather large icicles off the house.

The we got out the sleds and snowboards.

I learned that just because I am now under the weight limit for my son's snowboard does not mean I should try and ride it.

There is a salad plate sized bruise on my right hip.

Pictures coming of everything but the bruise.

...

My husband is gone tonight. That means only one thing.

Before and After pictures.

...

In other news. I reached another weight milestone. I'm down thirty pounds.

...

The Big 10

Yesterday, I shared my dismay at what the scale told me.

I couldn't help but think about it almost all weekend. It started when I had to buy a XXL shirt for pictures. Then again when I put it on and it fit. And yet again after we had family pictures taken and I barely recognized myself.

Thing is, I'm a glass half full type girl. I can find the bright side of nearly anything. Until Saturday morning when I tried zipping up my second pair of jeans I'd brought for Thanksgiving and couldn't (traitors). Of the two pair that I've been able to wear for the last year, I was down to one.

For the most part my Standard Operating Weight (or SOW) is between 205 and 210. Big numbers, I know. But those that know me know I'm pretty much a big boned Amazon. Ok, maybe not so big boned, but I am tall. Right now my SOW is easy to maintain: minimal exercise and eat nearly whatever I want.

A 'healthy' weight for me is between 150 and 175.

Shit, I weighted 175 in high school.

Needless to say, more exercise and eating only a tad less made that possible. Oh yea and I was 18 and not 35.

Back to the issue at hand. So Saturday morning I glumly put my other jeans (the ones that still zipped) on. My head started spinning as I sat down to a cinnamon roll, little smokies, and a scrambled egg (or two) for breakfast.

How much heavier could I be? I continued to eat like it was a holiday until my last great meal before hitting the road on Sunday afternoon. It's not like I wanted to make a change while my mom was cooking. But the whole time I was planning what would come Monday morning. The only thing that's worked for me (when I did it) - South Beach Diet.

I hit the ground running Monday morning. Literally. After the kids went school I managed a quick jog - jiggling all the way. First though, I weighed myself and was dismayed to see the scale settle on 215. I've managed phase one since Monday morning and had three (quick) jogs.

I weighed myself again this morning (Friday) and was excited to see a more respectable 205. That's 10 pounds. The only way I could have done better was if I was on The Biggest Loser. Now, I know some of that is water weight. I'm ok with that, just don't rain on my parade.

There is a difference in how my jeans fit. I haven't tried back on the traitors, but my other pair is fitting much better. The pockets don't bulge and I'm down two notches on my belt.

Right now, I know that unless I plan to eat like this forever, the weight will slowly (or not so slowly) creep back. I'd like to say that after the two week induction phase I'll move on to phase two and get to my goal weight. By then, I'll be able to better manage my eating and exercising. I'd like to get my SOW to 180 - 185. I'd really like for all that to happen.

My weight will always be an issue for me. It's not like I'm trying to insulate myself, or that I don't know how much or what I'm eating and where it will lead. I know it. I just really, really like food. Quantity, quality - both. I love food.

Right now, though, I'm relishing this 10 pounds and that my jeans fit better. It's given me a new lease on eating better and exercising a bit more. I'm getting back to finding that girl I knew once upon a time...

Time flies

One of the main reasons I haven't hit publish lately is that I can't think of much to say.

We spent a wonderful five days at my parents over Thanksgiving.

We spent plenty of time in the hot tub
--Makes me want one of my own

Ice skating
--My legs still aren't back to normal

Had family pictures taken - for the first time with my parents, my sister and her kids, and my family.
--More on that later

Went to see my college alma mater's volleyball game
--They're nationally ranked and they were amazing

Plus plenty of other outside activity
--Both gun and bow.

I really to have so much to be thankful for. My kids are healthy and well behaved (for the most part). They love their cousins and play so well with them, even though they're a bit younger. They handled the 3 1/2 hour car ride like champs and well... they're just all around great kids. My husband of thirteen years... we have fit into a pattern and groove that I didn't think was possible.

But...

There's always a but...

Or in my case, as big ol butt.

Once we got home from my parents, I realized that I was down to one pair of jeans that fit.

Problem was I gained seven pounds in five days.

Seven.

Something must be done, and it does not involve buying new pants.

It's pretty bad when I receive a package in the mail and my Toddler says, "I hope it's not fabric..."

...

Things are getting better.

Not that things were bad, just different with school starting and the new routine.

I joined the Big Health Club down the street last week.

I started Weight Watchers (from home, I'm too cheap to pay) yesterday.

Something must be done.

I am supposed to be doing the Twin Cities Marathon October 5th. It's not going to happen. Ugh. Best I can do from this point is look forward - like spring or so.

...

Over the next few days I'll be putting things on Etsy again. I took a hiatus over the summer, but have a lot of ideas for the fall, and upcoming holidays.

...

199

I didn't think NaBloPoMo would change me that much. I mean, how hard is it to post every day for thirty days? During the chaos that is "Family Thanksgiving" - pretty hard. Hard, in that some days I just can't really think of anything important to write. Hard, in that some days I don't know how to weed out the crap and put together a semi-coherent post.

This morning, I woke up thinking about what I might write, and when I might find the time. There's been something on my mind, again. Something I've talked about alot.

My weight.

After the gluttony that was Thanksgiving, I think I've finally had enough.

That, and I want to run another marathon. Specifically, the OKC Marathon April 27th

There is simply no way I can run another 200+ pound marathon. No. Freaking. Way.

Sunday night, I thought long and hard. I know what I need to do - I just don't like doing it. Eat better. Eat less.

Monday morning I hopped on the scale and was none too surprised at the 205 that stared back at me.

This week, I have eaten better, and less. That and I've cut out the mid-week alcohol. Go big or go home.

Wait. I am home.

Made it to the gym once. Hey, it's a start.

Mostly though, I'm eating better. I think the key for me is protein at breakfast. In my case, that would be a toasted English muffin with a couple thin slices of ham.

This morning, I was both surprised and pleased at what stared back at me.

199.

I'm on my way.

Finally Friday

I'm starting to wonder if I've run out of words.

Or perhaps I've just used them all up this week with my husband out of town and all...

Ah well...

Spring has sprung.
The weather has finally turned and we've had a string of absolutely lovely days. Lovely. The kids are outside as much as possible. They are a tired heap at the end of the day. It's a bit difficult, though, because all of a sudden, the days are longer. Much, much longer. It's hard to convince them to come in at 7:30 when it stays light until after 8.

This summer we're looking to replace our grill. It's done it's duty and now has a date with the trash man. The main contemplation is whether to go gas or back to charcoal. I'm a fan of charcoal, my husband prefers gas. Guess who does most of the grilling? Me. We may have a chance this weekend to head out and see what we can find.

All this nice weather is just begging for a grill.

Last weekend we had a spontaneous cook out with the neighbors. They did a pork shoulder on the grill and provided salad, and we brought baked beans and fried apples. It was tasty. We also had plenty of cocktails and beer. In some ways I'm so ready for spring, in others, I hope my liver can take it.

Running.
Last week I ran 24 miles. 10 on Saturday. It took me a bit longer than I planned, but I got it done: ran 4 to the gym, 2 on the treadmill, and 4 back home. During that run, I discovered that as long as I'm running in the neighborhood, I'm getting enough hill work in. Damn glacial movement. In some ways I can't believe how far I've come. Ten weeks down, 8 weeks to go until the marathon. The funny thing is, I am better prepared (mentally) for the long runs, and struggle to get the short ones done. Wednesday was a 7 mile run. I broke it up into two runs since I can't do it all in an hour (the treadmill shuts off after an hour). I did four miles, stopped, got a drink, stretched then did three more. Thursday, I contemplated walking the four mile run. I did it pretty slow, and was overjoyed to read, "Make this an even easier workout than usual," after I got home. Of course, that 'easier' workout is in preparation for the 15 mile run on Saturday.

MILF.
Two pounds last week. My pants are starting to fit much, much looser. I'm pretty confident in how I look in shorts and a tank top. It's amazing what a difference losing a little bit of weight and gaining some muscle does. I can see a difference in my face, arms, upper torso, and legs. If I had a little more hubris, I'd take a picture of myself. Yes, I'm thinking I look that good. And isn't that what being a MILF is all about?

Finally Friday

Busy morning. So far, we conquered Target, the drycleaners, the bank, and the Salvation Army.

"Where'd you park your Delorian?"
And because of a drive through at the Salvation Army, I'm 25 pounds lighter. It was time again to clean out my closet. I try and hit it twice a year, spring and fall. I weed out what doesn't fit and what I no longer wear. It's was hard in that I have a bunch of beautiful suits from my life before. I like to think of them as my 'pretty maids all in a row.' Honestly, I got rid of most of my 'work' clothes right after I had my youngest. The took up a lot of room and I knew I wouldn't be going back for awhile. These, though. These will look good for awhile; I just keep moving them around and making room for them.

Treadmill, thy name is Pain.
Yesterday, half way through my 4 mile run, I was a little 'bored.' I decided that I'd do a little hill workout on the treadmill. I was currently cruising at 5.5 (10:54 min mile) and the incline was set to 0.0. At the start of the next minute, I increased the incline 0.5 - and continuted to increase it that much every minute. Around 6.5 incline, I had to decrease the speed to 5.0 (12:00 min mile). I continuted to increase the incline, wondering how far it could. I discovered that it goes to 15.0, but to get that high, I can only go 4.2 (14:17 min mile). As soon as I did my minute at 15.0, I decreased it .5 every 30 seconds. I was a sweaty, drippy, huffing, puffing, red-faced mess when I was done. Made the remainder of the workout go really fast, but my legs are more sore today than they were after the 6 mile run yesterday.

Weighty Issue.
I weighed myself. I continue to stagnate at 204. It doesn't bother me too much, in that I know I'm not eating the best I could. I also know that I'm building quite a bit of muscle with all the running. In fact, my legs look pretty dang good. I'm getting pretty close to my goal of just feeling better with how I look, not necessarily in how much I weigh. Yesterday, though. Yesterday I was notified that my high school reunion is coming up. In six weeks. Yikes. It's not that I want to look like I did in high school, I just want to look good for fifteen years and three kids later. That's not too much to ask, right?

Friday roundup

It hasn't been a stellar week as far as running goes. I was terribly disappointed that the nagging ache on the side of my left foot turned into a puffy bruised mess after Tuesday's 3 miles.

Saturday's nine mile run was, simply put, the best run I've ever had. Ever.

I opted out of Wednesday's 5 miles and Thursday's 3 miles. I'm aiming for 3 today. It's doubtful I'll be able to get in 10 on Saturday, but I'll try.

Weekly milage: 12
Total milage: 67

Weight? Same. I watched what I ate a little better, but without the extra workouts, nothing happend. But hey, no gain...

Finally. Friday.

It seems as if this week has been a month long.

Calling my parents every morning after the Big Girl got on the bus, every night before bed, and usually two other times each day, has become quite the routine for me. Everything is getting back to normal - as normal as it can be.

The babies are continuing to do well.

What amazes me about the whole process in having preemie twins, is that this time it's not the babies that are having the hard time, it's the Mom.

My sister was released from the hospital late yesterday afternoon. After six days. What amazes me is that she's 'well enough' to go home, but when she's at the hospital, she is supposed to ride in a wheelchair . I understand that some recovery must take place at home, that the hospital and insurance companies can not wait until she's 100%, but to send her home while they're still tweaking her blood pressure medicine, and that she must ride in a wheelchair while at the hospital? That Wednesday a snafu in her medication nearly caused her blood pressure to bottom out? That she's been showering while sitting in a special shower seat, and brushing her teeth while sitting in a chair and can barely walk from point a to b? Very curious indeed.

Pretty soon, we'll be back to our regularly scheduled programming - Me. Because, you know, that's who it's all about around here.

As for my MILF update, considering the stress of the last week and the delivery of Girl Scout cookies, I'm delighted to say that I've stayed the same. I've maintained a 5.5 pound loss.

As for running - last week I completely rocked. This week, not so much, but I did it. On my four mile run on Wednesday, I thought my legs may have well been made of lead.

Last Week Mileage: 16

This Week Mileage: 15

Total for Program: 55

In combining a word about the two, I know that if I just cut back a little, my weight loss would be very good indeed. As things start to settle down, I'll stop eating a sleeve of thin mints in one sitting, or three Taco Bell soft taco supremes. Or both. There's something to be said for running 4x and cross training 1x a week. Five workouts a week does make a difference. Calories in, calories out.

Nine mile run on Saturday. Should be fun.

The kids and I are driving down tomorrow. I am excited in that I will be able to see the babies, and get more pictures. I printed off the 80 pictures I took last week and mailed them to my sister. She was so excited to get them. 80 pictures in 15 minutes, not bad...

On your mark...

Sunday while visiting my sister I threw down the gauntlet with my Dad.

"Dad, I was wondering... You said you'd train for Dam to Dam (a 20k - 12.4 miles), and I was wondering if two weeks later, you'd help me with something... I'm going to do Marathon's Marathon, and I was wondering if you'd run the second half with me. Or at least part of it."

He gives me a funny look... 'The second half?' I think he's almost insulted. Almost.

Me, smirking, "Well, I know you said three weeks ago that there was no way you could be ready. I was just wondering if you could help me out when I need it, most likely the second half, or at least the last 10k. I've done the first three weeks of training, including a six, a seven and yesterday morning a five."

"Don't count me out yet, 15 weeks, right?"

Ha. He'll be ready and run the whole thing. He's wanted to all along, but had talked himself out of it. It took is 33 year old overweight daughter to say, "Well, I'm going to do it," to kick his butt in gear. I promised him we'd go slow - and the point for me is finishing and not setting any speed records.

I'm pretty lucky to be able to harass my 61 year old dad into running a marathon with me. Boy, do I know I'm lucky.

Pretty in Orange.

Tomorrow, they will be mine.

Well, I'll be ordering them anyway.

Since I've had my third child, I noticed that I need a larger shoe for running. Now, rather than the elusive 12, I need a fugacious 13.

Enter zappos. Finally, I place I can search by size. Finally, I place that has larger than an 11.

Plus, free shipping.

That, and they're not ugly. Well, at least I don't think they are.

And really, who doesn't like new shoes?

Over the last couple days, I've noticed I'm looking a bit different, better. Not so much because I'm losing a little bit of weight, but because what I have is more toned. My jawline is coming back, my shoulders aren't as rounded, and my legs are getting their definition back. Not a lot, but I can tell. This morning I was in the bathroom getting dressed, and my husband walked in. He gave me 'the look.' You know the one I'm talking about. Uh huh. I still got it.

This morning I also broke my self imposed 'little while' of low carb. I broke down and had a Eggo waffle with a little peanut butter. It was, oh, like a little bit of heaven. Lunch was 'light' bologna and cheese sandwich. Even better. I'm back to watching calories, fat, carbs and the ever important Fiber.

On to fiber. One of my favorite sources right now are Tumaro's "Low in Carbs" Garden Vegetable Gourmet Tortillas. Try saying that three times fast. 100 calories, 2.5 g fat, 7 g protien, 12 g carbs, and the amazing 8 grams dietary fiber. That would make the 'net' carbs 4. 12 g carbs - 8 g fiber = 4 g net carbs.

Eight grams of fiber is equivlaent to 31% of the 'average' requirements for an individual. The American Dietetic Association suggests a recommended intake of 20 grams to 35 grams of fiber a day. Fiber has all sorts of wonderful health benefits, including agreeable bowel movements.

But.

Unless you are a glutton for punishment, and by punishement I mean trying not to crap your pants, don't eat more than one or two a day.

Case in point.

Yesterday morning breakfast consisted of a scrambled egg and two egg whites, chopped bell and red peppers, mushrooms and a little cheese on a tortilla. Lunch was a can of tuna, drained well, with a tablespoon of light mayo, chopped celery and water chestnuts, and lettuce - on a tortilla. For dinner I had put three chicken breasts in the crockpot with 1/2 cup salsa. Cooked for several hours on low, then shredded chicken. Strained out the 'sauce' and stirred in 1 T cornstarch mixed with 2 T water. Brought to a boil and put the sauce on the shredded chicken. Enter two chicken tacos with lettuce, tomato, cheese, sour cream and taco sauce, on yes, the fiber missile.

To say I feel lighter today would be an understatement.

Live and learn.

Hey, at least I have new shoes to look forward to.

It's coming.

I can feel it.

After dealing with a sick, and I mean Sick toddler, I'm getting it too.

Today is the first day she hasn't demanded "HOLD ME" more than twice.

Today is the day I need to catch up after a week of sick toddler.

Sunday I sat on the couch, holding her. 102.5 fever.

I could feel the heat through her hair.

Monday, sick. Threw up on me twice.

Tuesday, took her to the doctor.

We've covered this, I know.

She had the chills. You know, when you have a fever and goosebumps?

Tuesday she slept 20 out of the 24 hours. 15 of them on me.

Her head on my chest, like a limp rag doll, she slept fitfully.

Wednesday and Thursday - recovery days.

Today, Laundry. Lots of laundry. Poor machine's been spinning since 7:30 this morning.

Vacuum, dust, mop, bathrooms.

All I want to do is go back to bed.

On the upside. 208. Not 211. You're going the right way. Finally.

Today, I've noticed I have no appetite.

Perhaps I can use that to my advantage.

Hump Day

Mama Said, Mama Said.
Talked to my mom yesterday and she was concerned about the Sickie Toddler. She thought perhaps I should take her to the doctor. I was on the fence. There's not much I hate more than dragging a child to the doctor only to be told, "Let's give it a couple more days and see what happens." I took her. Double ear infection. Bulging with puss. Now on Day two of antibiotics, she's turning the corner. I would like to add that I love the practice we go to. Seeing as we don't have any outstanding health issues, it doesn't really matter to me who we see. What I love is that we had a 1:45 appointment. We arrived at 1:40. I was back in the car by 1:56. At no time did I feel rushed, and the doctor took his time checking out my girl. How's that for service?

Reconstruction
Yesterday my mom was supposed to go in for ACL Reconstruction. Didn't happen as they noticed something funny on her EKG Monday. She went in Monday afternoon for a second one. Didn't happen as he blood pressure was too high. Stress maybe? Gave her some meds, and she had a second one yesterday. She goes back to the doctor today to discuss rescheduling her surgery. Right now she's off crutches, but still wearing a brace. The insurance company considers it 'elective surgery.' Really. Elective? Wow.

You're going the wrong way!
Stepped on the scale this morning. 211. I know it's me. I know I'm eating too much and not exercising enough. So I've pulled out my "fatty-fatty two-by-four" Dr. Phil book. And I'm back here:


Get a Free Online Diet

This will help me track what I'm eating. I'm at a cross roads right now. Either I suck it up and work on this or I go and buy all new clothes. I have one pair of jeans that fit. One. I know that a big part of why I'm eating is emotional. My problems aren't any bigger than anyone else's - except they're mine. Every night I go to bed thinking, tomorrow will be a better day. Tomorrow I'll get this under control. Tomorrow I won't make a batch of Rice Krispie Treats and eat half the pan. It is tomorrow. I have got to get this under control.

Everybody dies

Today in the car we talked about death. The kids were very interested, and asked a lot of questions.

Can you see God?

-Not when you're alive, but you can when you're dead.

Why?

-That's just how it works.

Does everybody die?

-Yes.

Why?

-That's how it works.

How do you die?

-Um... There are a lot of ways. That is a very good question.

Like you're hunting and somebody thinks you're a deer and they shoot you?

-That's one way.

Or you drowned? That's why we're taking swimming lessons, so we don't drown.

-That's another way, and certainly one reason to take swimming lessons.

I don't want to die.

-I don't want you to die either. But it's something that you don't have to worry about for a very long time. One way to live a long time is to make good choices. Like eating healthy.

And not smoking.

-Right, not smoking. Exercising and drinking plenty of water. Eating lots of fruit and veggies.

I don't want you to die.

-I don't want to die either, not for a very long time.

Good. Because what would we do without a mom?

-That is a very good question.

It's moments like these, that I'm not sure I'm prepared for parenting. There's no manual for this. It's not like you sit down and talk about death, it just comes up after lunch on the way home to get ready for preschool. It just pops up. Unannounced.

On a slightly less dire note. My MILF-y weigh in. Still stuck at 205. Could be worse. Could be my highest non-pregnant weight of 235. Or it could be my highest pregnant weight or 249ish. Just some emotional things weighing me down, right now. I'll get there.

Weighty Update

Mom-O-Matic has set up a little "support group" to discuss "healthy lifestyle changes" and "exercise." I joined the fray right away.

She calls it "Future MILFs." My first encounter with that acronym was the movie American Pie. The mom in question (Stifler's Mom) was played by Jennifer Coolidge. The thing I like about her character is that even though she wasn't particularly thin, she was very confident. I guess that's what I'm looking for: to be more confident in how I look - both in clothes and out.

Last Saturday, after being gone for a week, I weighed myself. Not good. After avoiding the gym for three weeks and not avoiding a single holiday treat (including homemade Anise Candy), I've ballooned up to 208.

Over the last week, I've moderated what I've been eating. I've also been drinking less Diet Coke and more water. I'm still needing to get back to the gym, but just not sitting in front of the computer so much makes a big difference in how active I am around the house.

This morning: 205.

Three pounds.