Hills and Valleys

To everything there is a season,
a time for every purpose under the sun.

As I sit here, I know just how lucky I am. It doesn't mean there aren't trying times, though. Leading up to Thanksgiving, I found myself in a fog.

Aching for the life that would never be in Minnesota. Aching for the life that I would have to build here, feeling completely out of place. Knowing I would make my life here, but not really wanting to.

I found myself using food. A lot of food.

There is so much to be thankful for...

My newly minted, wise beyond her years, ten year old. How did I end up with a 10 year old?!?

The day this picture was taken, she wanted her hair straightened. Usually it's a bit of a mess that never really looks brushed, even when it is. The top is reasonably straight, but then underside near the nape of her neck is a nest of curls. She doesn't mind it now, but I'm sure as she grows older it will be a source of consternation.

She's so much more devoted to school than I ever was. She has a book report due February 24th. It was assigned Monday. She's read the book and already made an outline for her report. She's excited about typing it. Excited.

At 10, she still cares what I think and my word holds weight in her world. I know that will end, or at least take a back burner for awhile, but for now... I'm holding it close to my heart.

My son has taken a liking to handwriting - they're learning cursive. He will sit for hours practicing his letters. It is the one way we can get him to practice spelling without much wailing and gnashing of teeth.

He had his last regular season hockey game last night. The coach said he is a bit of a slow starter. He needs to get knocked around a bit, and then he's good to go. Better that than quick out of the gate only to lose it halfway through, perhaps? Finish strong - always finish strong.

There's a big hill behind our across-the-street neighbor perfect for sledding - or snowboarding. Given his three snowboards and willingness to share, he's been a big hit with the neighbor kids this winter.


And this one? My five year old too-smart-for-Kindergarten kid? She thought after Christmas break she got to go to 1st grade. She cried a bit when she found out she didn't, and replied, "But I already know all my letters and even how to read." Hard to argue, but when I said she'd miss her friends, she decided Kindergarten would be fine after all.

Most days after school you can find her coloring or trying to read chapter books. If she's not doing that, she's following me around the house. I'm careful not to stop too fast, or she'll run right into me. While she's coloring, reading, or following me, she's usually talking and talking and talking. We call it 'chirping.'


And me? After Thanksgiving I gave myself a good talking to, put down the food, and decided to concentrate on the what-can-be, not what-could-have-been.

Dare I say it worked a little bit. On my parent's last visit, I asked Mom if we could find some 'before' pictures. Sure enough... There they were in living color. Maybe someday I'll be willing to share.

I still have to talk myself into most of my runs. It helps there isn't as much jiggle as there used to be. There's still more to go.


Attitude is everything.

And this? My birthday present, courtsey of my parents.

What is it? A 40 yard roll of batting. Oh the quilts I can make. Anybody need one?!?

...

The Big 10

Yesterday, I shared my dismay at what the scale told me.

I couldn't help but think about it almost all weekend. It started when I had to buy a XXL shirt for pictures. Then again when I put it on and it fit. And yet again after we had family pictures taken and I barely recognized myself.

Thing is, I'm a glass half full type girl. I can find the bright side of nearly anything. Until Saturday morning when I tried zipping up my second pair of jeans I'd brought for Thanksgiving and couldn't (traitors). Of the two pair that I've been able to wear for the last year, I was down to one.

For the most part my Standard Operating Weight (or SOW) is between 205 and 210. Big numbers, I know. But those that know me know I'm pretty much a big boned Amazon. Ok, maybe not so big boned, but I am tall. Right now my SOW is easy to maintain: minimal exercise and eat nearly whatever I want.

A 'healthy' weight for me is between 150 and 175.

Shit, I weighted 175 in high school.

Needless to say, more exercise and eating only a tad less made that possible. Oh yea and I was 18 and not 35.

Back to the issue at hand. So Saturday morning I glumly put my other jeans (the ones that still zipped) on. My head started spinning as I sat down to a cinnamon roll, little smokies, and a scrambled egg (or two) for breakfast.

How much heavier could I be? I continued to eat like it was a holiday until my last great meal before hitting the road on Sunday afternoon. It's not like I wanted to make a change while my mom was cooking. But the whole time I was planning what would come Monday morning. The only thing that's worked for me (when I did it) - South Beach Diet.

I hit the ground running Monday morning. Literally. After the kids went school I managed a quick jog - jiggling all the way. First though, I weighed myself and was dismayed to see the scale settle on 215. I've managed phase one since Monday morning and had three (quick) jogs.

I weighed myself again this morning (Friday) and was excited to see a more respectable 205. That's 10 pounds. The only way I could have done better was if I was on The Biggest Loser. Now, I know some of that is water weight. I'm ok with that, just don't rain on my parade.

There is a difference in how my jeans fit. I haven't tried back on the traitors, but my other pair is fitting much better. The pockets don't bulge and I'm down two notches on my belt.

Right now, I know that unless I plan to eat like this forever, the weight will slowly (or not so slowly) creep back. I'd like to say that after the two week induction phase I'll move on to phase two and get to my goal weight. By then, I'll be able to better manage my eating and exercising. I'd like to get my SOW to 180 - 185. I'd really like for all that to happen.

My weight will always be an issue for me. It's not like I'm trying to insulate myself, or that I don't know how much or what I'm eating and where it will lead. I know it. I just really, really like food. Quantity, quality - both. I love food.

Right now, though, I'm relishing this 10 pounds and that my jeans fit better. It's given me a new lease on eating better and exercising a bit more. I'm getting back to finding that girl I knew once upon a time...