Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Jack Handey is in the house

So I had this nice, serious post going based on the following: Life is hard, and precious, and painful, and beautiful beyond measure. It's something I read last week and it really stuck me.

Instead, I googled "Jack Handey."

If I could be a bird, I'd be a Flying Purple People Eater because then people would sing about me and I could fly down and eat them because I hate that song.

If God dwells inside us like some people say, I sure hope He likes enchiladas, because that's what He's getting.

My young son asked me what happens after we die. I told him we get buried under a bunch of dirt and worms eat our bodies. I guess I should have told him the truth - that most of us go to Hell and burn eternally - but I didn't want to upset him.

Contrary to what most people say, the most dangerous animal in the world is not the lion or the tiger or even the elephant. It's a shark riding on an elephant's back, just trampling and eating everything they see.

I hope that someday we will be able to put away our fears and prejudices and just laugh at people.

Sometimes life seems like a dream, especially when I look down and see that I forgot to put on my pants.

If they ever come up with a swashbuckling school, I think one of the courses should be laughing, then jumping off something.

You know what would make a good story? Something about a clown who make people happy, but inside he's real sad. Also, he has severe diarrhea.

It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man.

What else can you say?


Tanaya said...

LMAO...my personal favorite
"I hope that someday we will be able to put away our fears and prejudices and just laugh at people."

Jen said...

you are missing my favorite one

Probably the worst thing about having King Kong go rampid in your town would be the huge, monster genitalia.
- Jack Handey