Monday, February 11, 2008

I cried. A lot.

Sometimes the hardest part of the decision is making it. Friday night, my husband asked what I wanted to do about the weekend. Did I want to go down Saturday, after the kids' ice skating, or go by myself Sunday? Either way. Or did I want to go Right Now. Yes. All of the above. Someone else make the decision, the spaghetti sauce is getting watered down by my tears.

I decided to wait and check the weather Saturday. It was a no go. Blowing snow and below freezing temperatures made traveling an unnecessary risk.

Sunday morning, I started the car at 7:45 and left at 8. Had to give it time to warm up. -15 F not counting windchill (that would put it at between -40 and -30 -- I wish I was kidding).

It was a pretty day for a drive.

It gets better. Only about 10 miles of knuckle gripping drive. Mostly, I just surfed the radio stations.
Home again, home again. This is where I grew up. There is nothing quite like getting here. It's like going to another time. A time when someone else did your laundry, cooked your food, and paid the mortage. It's a beautiful thing.

My sister came up with the babies. They're getting ready to turn one. I reminded her that the weather was about the same when I made the day trip to visit her in ICU. Dangle, dangle - I held it over her head. Heh.

We visited Grandma. I cried most of the hour long visit. I'm crying right now just thinking about it. It hurts to know the end is coming, but in some ways will be a relief. She's not enjoying herself. She did love to enjoy herself... This is from her 90th birthday.

It is hard. Very hard. She lived a good life. I was able to say goodbye, hold her hand, rub her cheek, give her a kiss... Blah, blah, blah. It still sucks.

As we were heading back to my parents, my sister and I decided something. I mentioned how nice her hair looked, and asked where she had it done... Her smart reply, "My bathroom." Oh! How Nice!

What's a girl to do? I could pay someone $100 to do it, or get the $20 kit and have her do it...

Any guesses as to what we did? Mom let me borrow an old shirt.

I tell you what. We shared this bathroom growing up. It was never this harmonious. Never. Well, until I left for college...

I guess that's one way to beat stress - go Red. Yes. Red. I have never been red, but always been tempted. This fall, watch for a chestnut brown. Life's too short. You can wish in one hand, and crap in another and see which fills up first. The pictures don't do it justice. She did a fantastic job.

And then we ate. A lot. Another excellent stress beater.

The drive home sucked. I cried some more. But at least I have fabulous hair.



Loralee Choate said...

I am really sorry about your grandma. It is always hard to lose someone you love. Always.

Your hair does rock, though. Red is one of my very favorite shades. I lurve it.

Jenny said...

I am really sorry about your Grandma. I wish words could make it better.

On a lighter note...your hair does look fab!

Your lurker one state to the east,

Karen said...

Sorry about your Grandma. At least you got to see her and say goodbye.

Your hair looks gorgeous. My box of dye is still in the bathroom as I'm too chicken to go the blond on the picture!

Tanaya said...

A new 'do can ease a multitude of problems. I'm so sorry about your grandma, but so glad that you have a wonderful family to go through all of this together.

joansy said...

I'm very sorry.

Builder Mama said...

I'm so sorry about your grandmother. But I'm glad you got to see her again and say goodbye, it sucks but you will be so glad that you had the chance.

Welcome to the Redhead Club, by the way. And I can't tell you how happy I am to see you and your sister having fun together!

Hugs. Thinking of you.

Lotta said...

So sorry for your loss. Big hugs. Beautiful hair. Beautiful sisters.

Nat said...

I'm sorry about your grandma, I know losing mine was really really hard.

Big hugs! ( and you do have good hair.)


klasieprof said...

Cherish this time if you can. She STILL is alive, you got to see her, hold her, and remember. She is hanging on waiting for everyone to be able to let her go.
Let her go peacefully and full of love.


and the roads here are horrid also!! HORRID

Heather said...

I am sorry about your grandmother but glad you had a chance to spend some time with her and your family. Glad you and your sister have found some peace in your relationship as well.

Lukie said...

I still have both my Grandma's and I know the end is coming soon.

I have always wanted to change my hair color. But I have the color that everyone seems to want anyway RED. It took me many years to admit I had red hair.

See it is a deep red bordering on brown.

Gretchen said...

Thanks all.

Your kind words mean more than you know!

Tree said...

I am so so sorry about your Grandmother, G. She looks like a lovely lady.

I am glad you were able to make lemonaide and have some good times with your family. And your hair looks fantastic!